I don't know what to do about this. I hear myself getting bored with my own thoughts, so surely others are bore with them as well. It's not as if anything can be said to make it better, so why bother talking about it. It doesn't make me feel better or differently, and I'm sick of feeling bad. I do what I feel like I should be doing or what I have to do, but the truth is I don't feel like doing anything. It's a very good thing I have animals who depend on me to take care of them.
PUMBA
T.S. ELIOT
I feel very removed from the life I'm leading.
I find ideas floating around that seem to be just out of my reach, and I get tired of chasing them, so they end up drifting away. Maybe I'm taking on too much, but I don't know another way to be. I like having my plate full, and then when something else comes up I somehow make room. Right now though, I think I'm maxed out on change.
On the positive side, I do like my new job. I definitely needed that change, and even though it's scary, I'm just diving in and going to try my hardest to keep us afloat. I think it's a good fit for me, and I hope I can just make it my career. The next few months will be rough trying to fit in and figure everything out, but I do appreciate the support that is offered.
Even reading this now, I don't know what to think of it. I feel removed even from my own thoughts no matter how true they are. I think I'm still struggling with being me. I hate the idea that the one person I feel has truly seen me for me, doesn't want me and doesn't care. It makes me feel more like hiding myself away again.
been thinkin' about you since i read your last couple posts...
ReplyDeletei dunno what you think of jason mraz, but his song "details in the fabric" seems appropriate right now:
"Calm down.
Deep breaths.
And get yourself dressed
instead of running around
and pulling all your threads
and breaking yourself up.
If it's a broken part, replace it.
If it's a broken arm, then brace it.
If it's a broken heart, then face it.
And hold your own.
Know your name.
And go your own way.
Hold your own.
Know your own name.
And go your own way.
And everything will be fine.
Everything will be fine.
Hang on,
help is on the way.
Stay strong.
I'm doing everything.
Hold your own.
Know your name.
And go your own way.
Hold your own.
Know your name.
And go your own way.
And everything,
everything, it will be fine.
Everything.
All the details in the fabric
are the things that make you panic.
Are your thoughts results of static cling?
Are the things that make you blow...
Hell, no reason, go on and scream.
If you're shocked, it's just the fault
of faulty manufacturing.
Yeah, everything will be fine.
Everything, in no time at all.
Everything.
Hold your own.
And know your name.
And go your own way.
Everything will be fine.
Everything, in no time at all.
Hearts will hold."
<3 to you, friend.
There seems to be a lot of us in a fog lately: a few of my blog neighbors and myself, actually (funny that I was posting about feeling weird yesterday, even though I see you wrote this last week). So, you’re not alone there. Hide in your cave, regroup, then come back.
ReplyDeleteOne of my neighbors told me this and I think it’s good to pass along to you: "Thankfully there comes a point when fog lifts. Until then, we’ll each hold out a beacon for the others, and we’ll get through all our times of fog."
Thanks ladies :-) It always helps knowing I have friends out there to lean on. Much love to you all.
ReplyDeleteI feel useless. I usually haven't felt useless to you. I have always been able to pride myself on being there, and I feel like I can't this time. And for that I am sorry. I am there in spirt, but its not the same. But you are always welcome to vent it out, I don't care how much to repeat yourself!
ReplyDelete