I don't know what to do about this. I hear myself getting bored with my own thoughts, so surely others are bore with them as well. It's not as if anything can be said to make it better, so why bother talking about it. It doesn't make me feel better or differently, and I'm sick of feeling bad. I do what I feel like I should be doing or what I have to do, but the truth is I don't feel like doing anything. It's a very good thing I have animals who depend on me to take care of them.
PUMBA
T.S. ELIOT
I feel very removed from the life I'm leading.
I find ideas floating around that seem to be just out of my reach, and I get tired of chasing them, so they end up drifting away. Maybe I'm taking on too much, but I don't know another way to be. I like having my plate full, and then when something else comes up I somehow make room. Right now though, I think I'm maxed out on change.
On the positive side, I do like my new job. I definitely needed that change, and even though it's scary, I'm just diving in and going to try my hardest to keep us afloat. I think it's a good fit for me, and I hope I can just make it my career. The next few months will be rough trying to fit in and figure everything out, but I do appreciate the support that is offered.
Even reading this now, I don't know what to think of it. I feel removed even from my own thoughts no matter how true they are. I think I'm still struggling with being me. I hate the idea that the one person I feel has truly seen me for me, doesn't want me and doesn't care. It makes me feel more like hiding myself away again.
